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Pro Atmospheric

Why does Bush?

keep stealing my newspaper? insist on kicking his dog? personally murder thousands of innocent muslim babies Herod-style? never turn off his "atmospheric heater 4000 pro series"? refuse to recycle? refuse to admit that the American voters who elected him were wrong and he lost both elections because the Democrats say so? steal from the poor and give to the rich? keep attacking New Orleans with his secret weather machine? insist on paying his hired terrorists with brand new $100 bills that annoyingly stick together? Why I ask, why?
Hey Mssc... I just reported yo' ignint self to da yahoo po-lice fo' bein' both racist AND sexist at the same time! Take that back to da' projex wit' yo' funky self. MMMM-Hmmm (snaps fingers)

-love,

a white man

The President is not stealing your newspaper. If this is an issue forr you, I suggest you do your part to stimulate the trickle-up economy and tip the paper boy.

The President does not kick his dog. He has proposed a nation-wide motivational therapy program for canines, but has been told that without evidence of success, it will never pass in Congress. Thus, he has initiated a limited testing program, comprised of all interested parties.

The President has not murdered thousands of Muslim babies. Firstly, if they were babies, they would not have had the chance to choose their religion yet. Secondly, if he was going to personally murder anybody, I imagine that he would start with Cindy Sheehan; upon doing so, he most likely would have been nominated for a third term in office, which he would have handily won.

The President does not own a Atmospheric Heater 4000 Pro Series. That is the property of the Government of the United States, as it is located at Camp David, rather than at The White House West (WHW) in Crawford, TX. Note: WHW has recently upgraded to a Global Heater 9000 Eco Killer model, a great improvement over the now outdated Atmospheric Heater 4000 Pro.

The President does, in fact recycle. He takes personnell from across the nation who would otherwise be jobless, and nominates them to his Cabinet. The President is also a firm believer in paperwork reduction acts. This can be evidenced by the lack of a Congressional directive for any of his War/Terrorist programs, and the shredding and burning of any documents that would contradict his absolute authority. This is an extension of his DC cloud seeding program. This program was especially effective just a few months ago when the re-landscaping of the North Lawn after some historic trees were destroyed there.

The President does believe that the voters were wrong durring his first election. Most American voters both voted for and predicted a victory for Al Gore. Thus, the voters were wrong, as many actually voted for third-party candidates. The Democrates do not say that the President lost both elections in which he ran for office. They do contend, however, that he was wrong in both elections in which he did not seek office: those in Afgahanastan and Iraq.

The President does not steal from the poor and give to the rich. That be be the Congress, who actually write and pass the laws. Also, Congress does not steal from the poor and give to the rich; they steal from the disinfranchised, and give to their supporters. As the election pattern has not recently changed, it follows that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer.

The President does not have a secret weather machine. A replica of The Katrina 5000 has been on display at the Smithsonian Institute for seven months now.

The President has addressed the issue with the $100 bills. As of October 3rd, all terrorists will be forced to accept personal checks signed by the President, Speaker of the House, and The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. This will be accepted as an inheritent acceptance of the mercenary terrorist program by all three branches of government.

I hope that I have helped clear up some simple misconceptions. Remember, this November, vote Libertarian!

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